Bart in SL - Fun

GTA IV sucks golfballs through a garden hose

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 03:24:34 +0100

I've purchased the PC version of "GTA IV" on Steam at the holiday price action. This means, I had to pay around 8€ for that game, while you still have to pay around 40€ in different kind of shops. Well, it helped me to keep my temper down - a lot. Here's why.

First, GTA IV is really a great game. Graphics, story telling, looks, you name it, it got it. The high ranking ratings and well received critics don't come from nowhere. But the stuff surrounding the game just really sucks golfballs through a garden hose. The game, even one year after its launch on the PC platform, is full of annoyances.

Which kind of annoyances, you might ask? Well, here they are:

The sheer amount of computing power under your desk you need to play it nicely. Better have a decent quad core, at least, and a very good graphics card, 512 MB of memory is the minimum, better yet 1 GB, if you want to play it on the highest detail level. This is something that's going to wane down in the future when more and more potent computers are becoming wide spread.
One word: Microsoft. It just plain sucks. What the game has to do with Microsoft, you might ask? Well...

You are unable to make any saves of the gaming progress at all, when you are not signing up for Microsoft Live. What the bloody fucking hell have the developers thought about that? I don't need no stinking membership in there, when I want to save a game, it should happen without that kind of stuff and shit, period! And believe me, since you are going to play it for a long time, membership is really a crucial need for you. This just plain rotten stinks!
Support for 3rd party Controllers, namely gamepads. The first version of the game, released in 2008, only supported one type of gamepads, namely the ones from Microsoft for the Xbox 360. Why in the name of bloody hell should I buy a gamedpad for around 50$, just because the developers are forcing me to do that? Games on Windows have always been open for a broad range of hardware, there are enough cheaper and almost as good controllers around for PCs, anyway, and I am not going to buy a stinking Microsoft controller just because the developers have made the game that way. With later patches they introduced a somewhat broader support for other controllers, but still the support is severly lacking and leaves much in the dust.
I repeat: this has just been a decision to make people go to Microsoft and buy their stuff. Hell, I for sure really dislike that kind of attitude!

DRM. You need to activate the game once over the internet. If you bought the DVD-Version, you are only able to launch it if DVD #1 is in your dvd drive. You for sure cannot start the game without always first launching up that application named "Rockstar Social Games Club", because it is part of the DRM. There is no way to get rid of it. You can start the game with that application, but when you are not a member of that club you are always getting reminded in a very annoying dialog box that you are unable to publish your acchievements on that club website as long as you are not signing up there. Hell, why should I want to do that? This is just another plain and annoying part of the customer being treated like a child and not a grownup at all. Bummer.

So, since I bought that game on budget, I am content with most of that stuff, though. But, if I would have bought it in a shop, I would have returned it, because of all that annoyances. They suck great lengths! Don't get me wrong, though: the game itself is great, but all that stuff makes it really an annoying pain in the ass. No customer likes to be treated as a child as much as this game did and still sometime does!

Best thing I read in a while: "Houseplants of Gor"

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 01:56:31 +0200

That's life; I was looking for nothing in particular and stumbled upon a small writing called "Houseplants of Gor" in a forum. In short it is a parody of Norman's writing style and philosophy at all, quite funny to read. So, here we go:

The spider plant cringed as its owner brought forth the watering can. "I am a spider plant!" it cried indignantly. "How dare you water me before my time! Guards!" it called. "Guards!"

Borin, its owner, placed the watering can on the table and looked at it. "You will be watered," he said.

"You do not dare to water me!" laughed the plant.

"You will be watered," said Borin.

"Do not water me!" wept the plant.

"You will be watered," said Borin.

I watched this exchange. Truly, I believed the plant would be watered. It was plant, and on Gor it had no rights. Perhaps on Earth, in its permissive society, which distorts the true roles of all beings, which forces both plant and waterer to go unh appy and constrained, which forbids the fulfillment of owner and houseplant, such might not happen. Perhaps there, it would not be watered. But it was on Gor now, and would undoubtedly feel its true place, that of houseplant. It was plant. It would be watered at will. Such is the way with plants.

Read on, my dear...

Newest trend: shoes with builtin toes (gasps)!

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:46:35 +0200

This here seems to be the newest trend: since the standard avatar mesh looks just plain right ugly at the feet some shoe designers started now building shoes with builtin, more naturally looking toes. This looks like this here then:

Quite an improvement, if you're asking me. I wonder if those are going to sell very well... a very nice idea.

RL griefers

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Wed, 21 May 2008 11:11:33 +0200

Well, we all know griefers way too good in Second Life, especially their flying objects, like penises and such. Now in real life a flying penis was around when Garry Kasparov was holding a speech in Moscow. Take a look at the video:

Got moobs?

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 11:23:55 +0200

This is how recently my rich, genuine Second Life experience has been:

Nice, hu?

Cleaning your cache and relogging might help then.

Some people...

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 08:29:49 +0100

Just a conversation I heared in open chat somewhere:

[8:28] XW: scroll
[8:28] sM: scroll down yer cock?
[8:28] sM: is the cum german?
[8:28] XW: yea
[8:29] sM: oh fucking hitler then
[8:29] XW: yea
[8:29] sM: good
[8:29] sM: then i have to kick yer ass a bit
[8:29] sM: not too much to kick tho

Nice, isn't it???

Our Lindens...

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:07:21 +0100

Our Lindens, who art in the Labs,
Hallowed be thy prims.
Thy Grid-dom come, thy will be done,
On sims, as it is in the preview,
Give us this day our daily crash,
And forgive us our spammery.
As we forgive those, who grief against us
Deliver us from the n00bie ones.
And lead us not into nakie places.

Amen.

Quote of the day

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 14:31:55 +0200

Just something that happened on a public group channel in Second Life today:

[2007/10/04 14:07] Dreamland ACS: there have been serious problems with last upgrade .. already done 2 rolling restarts of all sims
[2007/10/04 14:07] Dreamland ACS: the entire grid has more lag and slow rezzing
[2007/10/04 14:07] Stevie Superior: Welcome to the Land of Lindens!
[2007/10/04 14:09] Dreamland ACS: it never fails .. new upgrade .. more problems .. lower performance
[2007/10/04 14:09] Keila Forager: yeah, but I haven't upgraded yet...LOL

Nifty, right?

Interesting profiles #7

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 14:02:18 +0200

This is the profile of a female avatar:

Looking to have fun plain and simple.
Keep your drama to yourself as I will drop you like yesterdays news

Nothing fancy, but it shows you what you can expect quite clearly.

Interesting profiles #6

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 07:21:13 +0200

Here's one from a male who seems to have the need to recover some missed time:

Remember me?... I'm that guy you knew in highschool and thought was cute but never asked you out.....well I was kind of shy back then but thought you were cute too....kind of loss track of you after highschool but never stopped thinking of you...maybe you're here in SL...

*SL SPECIAL* FREE UNLIMITED CUDDLING AND MORE - JUST ASK

Dudeism - the answer for everything

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:24:49 +0200

Dudeism - the answer for everything. Interesting church...

Interesting profiles #4

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 15:32:48 +0200

Also a way to make Lindens:

drop really expensive inventory items below.
Thank you in advance for all your things!

Second Life? No, Second Hell!!!

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 07:06:56 +0200

This link points to a cartoon of the German computer magazine c't - many know the Heise newsticker, perhaps. It's showing a devil and his wife, the devil playing a game on his computer and his wife saying: "Tell me, isn't this game finally getting boring for you? You've been already playing that silly game Second Hell for over 4.5 billion years now."

How to be a Cyber Lovah

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 03:00:14 +0200

Well, this is not about SL per se, but this parody is still funny and covers a topic that could happen that way in SL, too. So just give it a try, it is worth some laughs at least. Herb Zipper rules!

I am Anakin Skywalker

nospam@example.com (Bartholomew Gallacher) — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 01:57:28 +0200

Just did a fun test at a website, and look what I've found out about myself:

Well, that explains, why I enjoy so much running through Second Life as Barth Vader! The force is with me! And now bow before your master... bwahaha!